My Journey with Gestational Diabetes

So, I've decided I need to find some positivity in this. I'm being proactive. I have changed my diet and am following the guidelines I have found online.

I'm undecided on whether to post about it here or start a new blog about my GD journey and diet after baby...or do neither, since that's likely what will happen.

WTF is wrong with me!?

I've been avoiding my feelings for a while. I just keep refusing to believe that I'm depressed and resentful towards my unborn child...towards my life in general.
Nothing has gone how I have planned this year. I've not lost weight, I've gained weight. I've lost a friend and not gained any.

I'm lonely, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I miss my ex-best friend. As neurotic and as unreasonable as she's been, I miss her voice. I miss talking to her every day, I miss knowing that I have someone I can say anything to and she'd be there for support and comfort.

I constantly question the part I took in the demise of our friendship. Should I have just shut my mouth...again. As I replay the messages between her and I in my head, I still think I didn't really do anything wrong...I told her how I felt...she called me selfish, unsupportive, jealous and childish.

I also don't think I dealt with my miscarriage properly. It's the only thing I can think of that would make me feel the way I have been towards this child I'm carrying. This child I am resenting. This child that has me diagnosed with gestational diabetes at Christmas, this child I feel like I won't ever love.

I'm angry, I'm sad, I want this all to be over...I hate my life, I hate how I feel and I hate that I have no one I can talk to about it. I don't want a counselor. I want a friend.

Why can't I make a good friend? :(

Maybe I am selfish, unsupportive, jealous and childish and I don't deserve to have a true friend by my side.

Where to begin...

I created this blog page about 5 months ago, intending to keep up with it and never posted a darn thing!! Probably because I got pregnant and lazy and had nothing to say, cuz nothing was going on...??

Sooo..I guess I'll make a first post...

I'm 34, a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter and, after a miscarriage at 9 weeks in February, am expecting again. I recently lost my best friend (not like that, we had a falling out) and I've recently found myself making attempts to come out of the shell I've created around my little world.
I take pictures, I make jewellery, cards and other random assorted crafties.
I live in the Greater Vancouver Area. It's beautiful and expensive. We're from Alberta. I love Alberta, but the snow makes me want to kill myself, so I can't see us going back there.
I'm living life one day at a time and baking this little nugget, who's due on Feb. 29/12 Hopefully the end of the world doesn't come before her first birthday. ;)

Well, hopefully I'll remember to blog again and it will be more interesting...I make no promises though.